Cali had a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

It all started in the evening, when, as Cali sees it, her mom attacked her with a machete, leaving her paw a bloody stump. It’s true that, for the first time in her life, I nicked a nail, clipping a bit too short. I saw a total of three drops of blood. Cali ran outside and sulked, then came back in and put herself to bed. She soon fell asleep, holding paws with her now disarmed, and very sorry, mom.

Then, in the morning, I faced down the stares of two disbelieving goldens as I failed to serve breakfast on time. Unable to take the pressure, I fled to the relative safety of the gym. On the way home, I got confirmation that Cali’s annual appointment for the Morris Animal Foundation’s Golden Retriever Lifetime Study would take place as scheduled.

Cali’s day was going downhill, fast.

Cali was initially delighted by the impromptu ball game when I got home … until she realized that she was being played (with). While big-sis Jana was getting breakfast.

Then, in Cali’s mind, her mom truly went nuts. She started chasing poor, hungry Cali around the yard wielding a paper plate. Every time Cali squatted, Mom shoved that darn plate in places that really shouldn’t be mentioned in a family-friendly blog. No way was Cali going to pee on that thing! They then walked up and down the street, with Mom still carrying the plate, and Cali thoroughly sniffed everything. She even faked Mom out a few times. Cali sure showed Mom, though: No pee.

Finally, things started looking up. Cali was excited that she got to go in the car with me, and Jana had to stay home with her super-duper treat toy. Hey, wait a minute …

At the vet’s office, Cali danced in, eager to see all those nice people who would ply her with cookies and tell her what a good girl she is. She got her wish: lots of attention, but … no cookies. Instead, they stuck her with needles and drained some of her blood. They cut some of her hair. And they tried to suck out some pee with a syringe, but she fixed them, too. No pee. Then she got some cookies. Finally!

Next, we got to go out for lunch. At last; something fun for Cali! Cali finally got her breakfast and a big bowl of water, and she got to say HI! to about 20 people on that patio. They all told Cali that she was a good girl. Except the one lady who said she was a good boy. A boy? With those long blonde eyelashes?

Then … oh, no! Back to the vet! Poor Cali got poked and prodded some more; the vet techs scraped off the edges of her toenails (no blood this time), gave her a shot, and finally got some pee, and the vet looked into her eyes with a very uncomfortable bright light, examined her teeth and her ears, took her temperature (she didn’t like that part at all), filled out an endless questionnaire … and pronounced her perfect. And they all gave her cookies, of course. Lots of cookies. She didn’t plan to tell Jana that part.

When we left, we took two huge packages — which smelled very much like Cali — and raced to the FedEx dropoff. Just in time. Off the samples went, to join those of 2,999 other golden retrievers who go through this exhaustive exam every year as part of the study.

Cali, along with two of her brothers, is one of the Morris Foundation’s golden retriever “heroes,” hero #608, to be exact. They’ll each give up a day every year, throughout their entire lives, as well as copious amounts of samples, so that the study researchers can try to figure out what causes cancer in golden retrievers. And other dogs. And what can be done to prevent it. From there, who knows who else Cali and the other heroes will help.

Best of all, we got home in time for dinner (and a trip to the park)!